One of the biggest differences between Americans and Germans might be our approach to "small talk." Whereas here in America, entire conversations can consist only of small talk where none of the questions really matter and neither does the answers we Germans despise that kind of conversation. In fact, the German word for "small talk" is "oberflächliche Unterhaltung" which translates to superficial conversation.
Now you might think that there is nothing wrong with a nice sweet superficial conversation. The German in me desperately wants to convince you otherwise. We believe that small talk is a waste of time and not efficient. And we Germans LOVE efficiency above else. (And also, small talk IS inefficient and a waste of time ;-)!)
If you google German small talk you find many lists that tell you that Germans don't really do the small talk but to still be prepared for some version of small talk and to make sure to avoid topics like
- money,
- politics,
- religion,
- immigration, and
- health.
I have to admit to being surprised by reading this since these are almost the only topics any German ever talks about. My impression is that these lists are either written by Americans or Germans that are trying to change the status quo (nothing wrong with that.)
Though, is it really true that Germans don't small talk and what are you supposed to do when you visit Germany? The answer is: Yes, we don't small talk! We want facts, numbers, and statistics. Do not superficially answer a question by a German assuming they just want to be polite. We don't! We want to know facts. So if you ask a German "How are you?" THEY WILL TELL YOU HOW THEY ARE. And a German is never doing fine. EVER! If they ask you how your trip was you better have some information about duration, seating accommodations, and surroundings. For example: "The trip took 9 hours. I was seated at the window, which was super uncomfortable. The plane was extremely cold. I could barely sleep so I rewatched 5 hours of "Friends," which was fine."
And that is where we get to the real bottom of German small talk. German small talk = complaining. That is what it is. You can complain about the weather (after all it can always be too cold or too warm or simply too weathery), you can complain about your health (I'm sure something is bothering you), you can complain about politics (duh!), and so on. As long as it's thoroughly supported by facts and numbers everything can be the subject of complaints and is, therefore, a perfect subject to be small talked about - the German way.
Another fun fact is that you should be wary of making promises in the flow of Smalltalk. When my spouse and I were saying goodbye to one of my friends my (American) spouse said carelessly as so many Americans do: "See you later!" My friend and I both stopped in our tracks and in length discussed if that was possible before we were flying back to the US and both agreed we were too busy and it was better to acknowledge that and say goodbye. My spouse was SHOOK that we a) take these words so seriously and b) rather acknowledge that we wouldn't meet again than having the pleasant "See you later" be our last words.
But that is how we Germans are. WE WANT THEM FACTS!!!
What has been your experience with German small talk? Share below!
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